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my favorite color is green i love to sing i love to dance around my favorite night activity is just hanging out with my girls and of course my boys (you know who you are) i pretend im a good dancer, though im not i love being on stage microphones are my favorite toy i love listening to music music is probably my favorite thing in the world i regret stopping playing the saxophone i hate time, it bugs me out i get scared very easily my favorite sound is a soft tapping i also love the sound of rain my biggest fear is growing up i HATE change i wish for things all the time but only believe sometimes i love to dance in the rain i hate hipocrites i notice details on everything i get annoyed by little things sometimes i love butterflies i am obsessed with quotes, and collect them i write poetry in my journal and yes, i keep a journal i am obsessive about keeping schedules my assignment book is my life i write lists non-stop for everything i am horrible at letting things go i save things forever my room might be the messiest you will ever see i love shopping but hate spending money i wish that i could go back in time i wish i could be with ani again and dina (diego) and grandpa conn my friends are my life i love my family my siblings are my best friends i dont really care about school work, but i do ok i like things to get done the way i want them to i get stressed pretty easily, about the wrong things im more of a leader than a follower i am often refered to as "one of the guys" i also, am often the "ghetto" one in the group i am going to penn state university next year psychology interests me a lot i am a big believer that everything happens for a reason fake people really bother me i think all the time, about everything i make connections between everything in my life sometimes i just go crazy i love to laugh sometimes i laugh way too much (but that never hurt no one) im a really big dork, but im ok with that black is my favorite color to wear i love taking pictures, and looking at them colors are really fun to play with i doodle all the time, but i cant draw i am very different on the outside than the inside most of the time i love to be loved i am usually attracted to black guys good abs, arms, backs, and eyes are the best features in guys i think my best feature is my eyes i really listen to people i remember things that people tell me i miss being a camper at timber tops i love usy, and am going to miss it a lot when its over i love being a part of a group i am pretty spirited about everything harmony gives me a chills and i love it birthdays are so much fun i dont give up on people easily i plan on staying in touch with all of my friends no matter what i always remember phone numbers and screen names i am horrible at remember facts for tests i am not a good test taker i love reminiscing memories are great but evil i like to think i know myself pretty well
Mon, Dec. 5th, 2005, 10:44 pm
saturday was my birthday, which really freaked me out cause now im not a kid anymore, technically.
growing up scares the shit out of me.
my worst fear.
actually.
but my birthday was pretty fun i guess.
thanks to everyone who came on saturday night.
and for helping me have the best night, the night before (nicole, ben, justin..love ya)
my parents are getting me an ipod for my birthday and im SO happy, esp cause ive been saving up to get one myself and now i dont have to, and i still have all the saved money :o) so i have a lot of money now, which is awesome AND an ipod. yay.
i should go to sleep.
goodnight. Mon, Dec. 5th, 2005, 10:36 pm
Thu, Nov. 24th, 2005, 09:44 pm
everything is so overwhelming. last night was crazy. first i went to see RENT with all my oh-six-ers in cherry hill. it was pretty good, just cause its RENT, and how could it be bad.. but it didnt live up to all they hype and expectations. it coulda been SO much better. it was really overwhelming to sit through though, with everything else on my mind about it. first of all, i was supposed to see it with ani, and we had been planning since we first saw the preview for it online last year that we would go opening night and go crazy. also, i feel kinda responsible for her not ever seeing it on stage, cause she was supposed to go with me and shona and we didnt get her a ticket for some reason.. mix up of some sort. anyway, that was all running thru my head, along with the plot of the movie..which is pretty heavy, and the end which is pretty sad in itself, plus everything that happened with me, which makes it more personal and just...yeah. ok. so thats that. theeeen i went to turkey trot! and with everything still goin thru my head after the movie, it was pretty rough. i wasnt in a great mood and i kinda feel bad for everyone who had to deal with me last night, so...sorry. you know who you are. it was really nice to see everyone there, esp the "twenty-o-nickle" kids, cause i miss them a lot and usy just isnt the same this year without all of you guys. it makes me pretty nostalgic to see everyone there and remember everything that well, just isnt there anymore. so much has changed in the past year, and i dont like it. i hate change, and always have. hmm...also, it was nice (i guess) to see hill, and ezra and all those kids. so im never gonna see hill again, thats pretty um...well, i dunno. whatever. ummm.... anddddd... today was thanksgiving so thats pretty sweet. im not a huge fan, but it was nice to be with the family. i love my cousins. mkay, time for me to move on to the next evening activity, tho im unsure what that is.. xox. ps -- 67 days till israel!!!
Tue, Nov. 8th, 2005, 07:44 pm
| You Are Balanced - Believer - Powerful |
You feel your life is controlled both externally and internally.
You have a good sense of what you can control and what you should let go.
Depending on the situation, you sometimes try to exert more control.
Other times, you accept things for what they are and go with the flow.
You are a true believer in luck, fate, and karma.
You believe that life is a game of chance - not a game of skill.
You either consider yourself very unlucky or very lucky.
No matter what, you don't feel like you can change the hand you were dealt.
When it comes to who's in charge, it's you.
Life is a kingdom, and you're the grand ruler.
You don't care much about what others think.
But they better care what you think! |
Tue, Nov. 8th, 2005, 07:33 pm
| The Keys to Your Heart | 
You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.
In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.
You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily. |
Tue, Nov. 8th, 2005, 07:32 pm
| You Are 16 Years Old | 
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
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Tue, Nov. 8th, 2005, 07:17 pm
i love having random days off from school.. its awesome. and tomorrows wednesday which is even more awesome cause i feel like its monday tomorrow.. i saw todd today which was nice, hadnt seen him for a couple months. i also went to visit my grandpa in the hospital. he had surgery yesterday to remove a tumor-type thing which was affecting his site because it was pushing on his brain..so he kind of had brain surgery. he's perfectly fine, and he can see again which is actually amazing and such a miracle. he was able to read today, and that was awesome. he hadnt been able to do that for so long. so that was nice to see him and my grandma, especially cause everything is going great. i only have 26 days of childhood left, which is really weird. (my 18th birthdays december 3) and its making me go crazy. i really dont wanna grow up, its my biggest fear in life.. and always has been. it makes me so nervous and i dont wanna leave the past behind. i guess this year is just a really big eye-opener and slap in the face at the same time about life and how much it sometimes sucks, and how much life changes.
Sun, Nov. 6th, 2005, 01:33 pm
so i think this is the first time ive actually been excited about a sunday! first of all, im going to the KANYE WEST concert tonight! which im SO excited about, its gonna be crazy! im goin with jen, arielle, and pegah. and a bunch of other girls are also goin and happen to be sitting like 4 rows in front of us, so it should be awesome! i think im goin to temple early to hang out with sean harvey for a little before, cause i love him. haha. i just gotta figure out how im gonna get there? minor detail.. yesterday was an awesome day. first i got into penn state which pretty much made my year that much better right away. it freaked me out a lot that i was actually goin to college, cause im really so ready to move on from high school. it seems like such a big change and pushes me even further away from things im comfortable with. also, it scares me to go into a place where not many people know about ani, or know who she was, and that scares me that she wont be as present with me.. even though inside me she will be, if not more so.. but not around me. we had our homecoming game yesterday (which was at radnor) and got completely shut out, which kinda sucks, but we're kinda used to it.. so its all good. it was fun to be at the game, a lot of people went, so it was nice. yeeeeeah aces nation! the ride back was pretty awk haha, justin drove me home, but also took chris, jaime, and sam.. justin was really happy though cause his friends were home, so that was good. but if you know who they are, it was pretty awk being squeezed in the back between chris scott and sam.. lol but it was a fun time. last night i went out with mica, dave, and dave's friend charlie. we went bowling and then went out to random places.. it was really nice to hang out with kids in my grade, from my school. i havent done that for a while.. ummm..this is getting to be a longer entry than i meant it to be so im gonna go. YAY KANYE. i think im okay for now. stable enough. for me. starting to figure out my life.
Sat, Nov. 5th, 2005, 11:38 pm
I GOT INTO PENN STATE! IM GOING TO COLLEGE! :o)
Wed, Nov. 2nd, 2005, 10:03 pm
sometimes you dont think you feel a certain way, and then.. when you know you lost it, thats when you realize.
a capella is fun.
im excited for this weekend.
halloween was fun, but weird without ani.
we visited maureen before going to anna's party which i felt really good about. we could tell she was very happy to see us and our costumes.
(maureen is ani's mom) (and by we i mean me and rachel)
thats it. Sun, Oct. 23rd, 2005, 10:50 pm
this weekend was pretty good. saturday night, i couldnt have asked for a better way to celebrate the life of the most amazing person i have ever known, and maybe ever will. it went perfectly, and though it was one of the saddest nights i have been through, it was so needed and so wonderful. thanks to everyone who came and supported me, i love you all so much. after the concert last night was real fun, i went to the mervis household for the first time in a real long time, which was pretty nostalgic. it was really weird being there, and not having everything be the way it used to be. i really miss the days i used to go there with ani, shona, harris, justin, josh... theres a lot of times when i miss ani, just because i know shes gone, but last night i truly missed her because it was very obvious she wasnt here, in the present. i think theres a difference. memories really depress me recently, just thinking about everything ive gone through and all that i will never have again. all the laughs and jokes that i may never laugh about again, because there is no one to laugh at them with, because no one else understands. there are so many things i want to tell her, but i dont know if my thoughts are going to her. im really scared of the future, im not really sure if ill be able to make it. i remembered i have an entire container full of letters written from ani to me over the course of 8th-11th grade, there are so many of them, all full of stories, laughs, inside jokes, and love. i havent been able to read them yet, but its nice to know that i have them, especially written in her own words and handwritting. straight from her to me. sorry to anyone reading this right now, i didnt mean for this to be so depressing but i just had to get it out somewhere that wasnt in my head. i realize that no one does or could ever understand what im going through right now, but i really do appreciate everything that all of you do for me each day to help me get through this. even if you dont specifically say that you are sorry or TRY to help me, everything you do or say to me helps me. so thank you. and thank you an, for everything. everything you gave me, everything you still give me each day. all the memories. all the laughter. all the tears. all the happiness. all the love. all the songs. all the harmony. all the fun times. and especially, thank you for sharing yourself with me. because of you, i am a better person. it is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all. i truly do love you, and wouldnt trade what we had then for anything in the present, except more of you, if it were possible. in the arms of the angel, may you find some comfort here. you will when you believe. (ill sing it and try to hear you singing the harmony along with me, because i miss those chords so much, i may never hear them again. its a shame we never recorded it.. we almost did on your computer, oh well. i still will never forget that piano chord, you know the one im talking about. right before the last part of the song. it still makes me smile) goodnight love.
Thu, May. 26th, 2005, 03:32 pm
ok, so i really like this thing...so everyone has to do it for me too (stolen from Abby and Lauren) I want everyone who is friendly with me to put down everything they know/knew about me, off the top of your head in this entry. No looking through my journal or info. Than you can put this in your own journal and i will do the same for you... :o) BYE KIDS, SEE YOU THIS WEEKEND, LOVE YOU ALL! xox, al
Sun, May. 8th, 2005, 06:52 pm
i'm writing a personal narrative for english about usy, and i wanted to share my opening (and closing) paragraph with you.. Few words can really describe the thoughts running through my head. Looking around, there are few people lucky enough to know what this feels like. No. Lucky is an understatement. Sitting in a room filled purely with love and comfort, the only thing you can really do is soak it in, and hope it lasts forever. I truly believe that many do not reach this bliss even as they throw their bouquet on the happiest day of their life. No strings, no gaps, no masks. I look around at what we have created, and know that I may never have it this good again. Some may mock or laugh at my commitment, and others may question the reasoning behind my decisions, but to me there is no question and there is no option. It is who I am, and who I have become. the end. cheese, i know. but its cool. yay english papers about usy. ok, i have to write the rest of my essay now. blah.. lemme know if anyone has ideas to throw into the essay haha :o) love you guys. later kids, xo
Fri, May. 6th, 2005, 03:40 pm
TOO MANY TESTS THIS WEEKEND!! :o( ..but im done apush forever! yay! SATs tomorrow, ah? good thing it doesnt determine my future or anything. sweet.
Mon, Apr. 25th, 2005, 11:07 pm
im really stressed cause i have sooo much to do, but im in one of those crappy blah moods, and i just cant bring myself to do anything productive so i am going to sleep and doing all my work tomorrow, which is stupid cause then ill just be more stressed tomorrow, but i dont care right now. plus, i will fail 2 tests tomorrow. yay. :o\
Sun, Apr. 24th, 2005, 01:25 am
Sat, Apr. 23rd, 2005, 11:58 pm
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